Why Feeling Behind Doesn’t Mean You Are

Have you ever felt, or maybe this is how you feel now, that you are behind in life? You probably compare to others, and you see that other people have either a stable job, a relationship, or a have a clear path, or you think they have everything figured out.  

You’ve Been Taught There’s a Timeline in LIfe

Something important to understand is that this doesn't happen randomly. We compare ourselves because we've been taught that there's a right way and right timeline for life. It’s like we need to be checking off boxes in our careers, or maybe we’re told we need to buy a house, get married, have kids, earn more money. And when we see others accomplishing these, in our eyes, they’re actually checking off these boxes and we are not. This is when we start feeling like we are actually falling behind. 

But if you're someone who wants to feel fulfilled, you want to enjoy your work, your relationships, you want to feel supported in life, chances are that you're going to be doing things differently than what is expected. 
And because of that, your journey might feel slower, uncomfortable, and sometimes isolating. 

But that doesn't mean that you're behind because in the end, you're doing what feels right for you. You're making the decisions that are good for you, even though they don't show the positive results that you want to see yet. 
And here's the thing, the fact that other people seem to be more grounded in their lives doesn't mean that they're happy, fulfilled, they're in the relationship they want to be in, they do work that is meaningful to them, they're earning the money they think they deserve. And it doesn't mean that they are not happy and fulfilled either. But either way, you still compare to others, and you still unconsciously label yourself as being behind. 


My Experience With Feeling Behind 

I know this because this happened to me for quite some time. I've had moments where I question my path, especially because I chose not to settle, mostly in my work and my relationships. 


When it came to work, I decided to quit jobs because they no longer felt either meaningful, I was no longer growing, or felt underpaid. 
And as for personal relationships, I decided to stay single until a relationship with a nice guy felt right for me. And I was usually the only one who was single in my group of friends and sometimes even in my family. And honestly, sometimes it did feel lonely, and at other times didn't bother me at all, because I knew that I was single because it was my decision and it was about me and not others.

But overall, was it easy? 
No. Every time that I compared myself to other people, did I think that I was doing things wrong? Yes. Did people constantly asked me why I was doing things in a certain way and told me I was doing it all wrong? Yes. Did I feel lonely? 
Yes. Did I feel I was behind in life? Yes. 


But overtime, deep down, I felt I was doing something right. I was listening to myself. I was really paying attention to how I was feeling and sometimes I felt some things were not just right.
And in the end, even if I was making “mistakes”, at least I was still making my own mistakes because I was doing things on my own terms. 

And while I’ve made these decisions on my own terms, I’ve also had moments of support along the way—even if not everyone agreed with how I chose to do things, and that matters.

When Your Life Doesn’t Look Put Together Yet

So there's a phase where your life doesn't look put together yet because you're building something that actually fits you and you decide what's meaningful to you. And even if you're alive, right now, it's not showing you the results you thought
you'd have by now. 

Just remember that you are on the path that's right for you. You can use other people's stories as inspiration, but if they don't feel supportive, just let them go. 
It doesn't mean they are right and you are wrong or the other way around. Just realize that the belief of feeling behind is actually holding you back. 

And here comes a simple question to reflect on. If you're comparing yourself to other people, is what they have what you want for you? And if it is, it doesn't mean that you can’t have it. You're doing things differently to actually get there. Just keep this in mind.